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English 85: The American Novel
Sections A & F, TA: Melanie Ho
Informal Writing Assignment #3: Section Essay Preparation & Introductory Paragraphs
Due: Next week-Friday, 10/24 at the beginning of section.

Directions
Troubleshooting
Sample Intro Paragraphs with Critique
More Thesis Statements with Critique

Directions:

1. Read this packet and re-read the thesis statement handout from last week. If you have any questions about anything on these handouts, email me or visit my office hours. The 10 minutes you spend carefully reading these pages will provide you with many of the tips and tools that will save you time later.

2. Pick a text that excites you and about which you want to think more. If you feel stuck, check out the "troubleshooting" section on the back of this handout.

3. Type the following:

a. A rough introductory paragraph. This paragraph must include a strong, debatable thesis statement. On this assignment, you should underline the "what," italicize the how, and bold the "so what" of your thesis statement (refer to last week's thesis statement handout for info on what the how, what, and so what? entail)

b. An outline to your paper. This can be as formal or informal as you like - it can follow traditional outline structure (I.A.1.a.1etc.) or it can just be a simple list of points you plan to make and evidence you plan to use. However you decide to structure it, the outline should give us a sense of what evidence you will use and what order you will use it in. You will give each other feedback on your paragraphs and outlines during our paper workshop next week.

NOTE: The introduction and outline can be as rough as you like, but the more effort you put into this assignment next week, the more useful our paper workshop will be for you and the more time you will save yourself later.

Why the introduction matters: You never get a second chance to make a good impression. The introduction not only includes you thesis statement, but it also provides your readers with their initial impressions of your argument, your writing style, and the overall quality of your work. A clear, concise, well-organized introduction will help efficiently set-up your argument and suggest to the reader that you know what you're doing. It is also an important road map for your paper, introducing the parameters of the debate and conveying preliminary information to let your reader know what your topic is, how you plan to proceed with your discussion, and why it is important.

Should you write your introductory paragraph first or make the outline first? It's up to you.  Some people find that they need to have a clear idea of what they will be arguing before they can begin the writing process while others will just pluck away at the keyboard and see what turns up. No matter what you do first though, your introduction should logically lead up to your thesis statement (usually placed at the end of the paragraph) and your outline should follow the parameters set out by your introduction. See below for sample introductions and critiques and for additional information on thesis statements.

TROUBLESHOOTING: Don't know where to start? Try the following…

Look through your notes for controversial ideas that the novel explores. Read your lecture notes, the paper prompts, the study guides, and your marginal or reading notes. What are the novel's central themes? Which one interests you the most? What questions does the novel raise that you want to investigate? Do your notes cluster around a particular idea? Think about what the text says and, more importantly, how it says it. Find passages that relate to your idea or question. Re-read them. What is the author saying? More importantly, how is the author saying it? Think about how these two questions relate.

Go look at the evidence in the text and find patterns/connections. Collect and write down specific passages that apply to your theme or question. It helps to gather your evidence in one place. I find it helpful to write down as many pieces of evidence that I can find that apply to my question. Sometimes I fill pages with evidence. Write down enough specific pieces of evidence to allow yourself to notice patterns and connections. Write down at least five patterns/connections. How does everything relate?

DOUBLE TROUBLESHOOTING: I'm still stuck-now what?

Talk to someone (or even to yourself). Often it helps to discuss your ideas with someone else - a roommate or neighbor, a friend, a family member. Even if the person does not know anything about your topic, the text, or this class, often it helps just to find someone thoughtful who will listen to you and ask you questions or help you clarify your ideas. Or you can come to my office hours or Professor Mott's or make an appointment with me or a tutor at Covel Commons (310-206-1491). Or talk into a tape recorder, say everything that comes to your mind without censuring yourself, then listen to it and write down what you said-some people find this a more effective way to brainstorm than writing things down (although eventually you will need to write things down and organize your thoughts).

Draw it. If talking doesn't work (or even if it does), try some other strategies. Instead of listening your ideas straight down the paper, scatter them around on the page and draw lines connecting them, or put them in bubbles and connect the bubbles. Write in different colors for different types of evidence and find connections that way, or type your evidence and then highlight it in different colors.

Turn off that computer screen. Some successful writers turn off their computer screen (or cover it with a piece of paper) and just type their ideas without stopping. Not looking at the words on the screen might free your brain of "paper anxiety." Other people like to brainstorm on napkins, post its, and index cards because writing seems less stressful that way.

Get moving. My college roommate always thought of her best ideas while or after running; I spent much of my freshman year pacing up and down the halls whenever I had to write a paper. If you've been sitting and staring at your computer or desk for a long stretch without anything clicking, then get up and see if moving your body around helps move your thoughts to clarity!

Find a place to write that works for you. Some people need complete silence at their computer to come up with an idea. Others write best in a coffee shop, or the computer lab, or with a friend in the room. Try to create the best conditions possible for you to think and write.

Take a break. Often, our best ideas and arguments will only emerge after we have done some work (like brainstorming) and then take a break to do something else. Incidentally, this is why it's good to start assignments like this earlier-it means you can let ideas sit awhile before you have to formulate you argument.

Sample Introductory Paragraphs with Critique:

Sample 1: Since the founding of the nation, American individualism has clashed with the maintenance of social order. In Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, individuals either struggle against society's laws or try to control other people. The novel's opening scene shows this conflict between individuals and society. The characters who stand out as individuals either condemn or resist others. No one tries to understand others. Hawthorne's novel shows the difficulty of human relations.

Critique: This introduction hints at an interesting general idea, the conflict between individuals and communities, but it doesn't say anything about this conflict. We all know that a conflict exists between individual desires and the greater good of the community. We know relating to others can be difficult. So what does Hawthorne's novel say about the conflict between individuals and a community like the Puritans? And, how does the language convey this idea? This introduction has no argument and only offers a general description of an idea. Its first sentence is also way too general. You're not talking about all of American History, just The Scarlet Letter. Get to your topic. Grade: C

Sample 2: In Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, the narrator describes the conflicts between individual desires and the Puritan community. The imagery and diction in the opening scene emphasize the obstacles faced by individuals who dare to defy their community's social norms. The novel shows that to assert one's desires requires great courage and perseverance. While the novel does not endorse defiance, it sympathetically portrays those who resist the majority's opinions.

Critique: This introduction gets closer to a compelling argument. It ends by suggesting that the novel has an ambivalent attitude toward those who go against the crowd. The author still needs to assert a more specific argument about this ambivalence, its significance, and how the novel's language conveys this ambivalence. By saying "the imagery and diction . . . emphasize the obstacles faced by individuals who dare to defy their community's social norms," the author still is not saying much. She's just saying the novel uses words and images. The first sentence is also rather bland. Grade: B

Sample 3: In the opening scene of Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, the crowd ostracizes the characters who express opinions that conflict with its own. The harshness of the nameless women's condemnation of Hester contrasted with the timidity of the only sympathetic woman illustrates the difficulty of challenging widely held views, no matter how misled. Although the narrator appears to applaud those characters who have the courage to express opinions that differ from the majority's, the narrator's long, interrupted sentences and contradictory descriptions of Hester demonstrate the narrator's hesitancy in embracing those who defy the community's laws. Although the novel sympathetically portrays the main law-breaker, Hester Prynn, it does not sanction her behavior. Through the narrator's sympathetic but detached tone and the opposing images associated with Hester, the novel encourages the reader to try to understand but not approve Hester's resistance.

Critique: This introduction offers a compelling argument - while the novel offers a picture of Hester that helps the reader understand Hester's resistance, it does not approve of her resistance. This is debatable. It also clearly articulates the significance of how the narrator portrays Hester: the author connects observations about sentence structure and contrasting images with an argument about the novel's attitude toward resistance. Grade: A

Note: Although the clearest and most memorable introduction is also the longest, this does not mean that you need to write a long introduction. The more concisely you can state your argument, the more powerful your argument will be. Get your reader's attention and state your argument about how the part relates to the whole in as few words as possible.

More Thesis Statements with Critique

Thesis Statement: The grayness that pervades the narrator's descriptions illustrates the mystery surrounding human relations in Benito Cereno.

Critique: While this argument links a formal aspect of the text (the grayness) to a central idea of the text (the mystery surrounding human relations), it's not specific enough. What is the mystery of human relations? You could improve this argument by stating how the grayness shows this mystery, what this mystery is, and why it's important that the grayness shows a particular mystery about human relations.

Thesis Statement: The novel Benito Cereno depicts Africans as docile, savage, and crafty.

Critique: This is a factual statement about the novel. You don't need to prove this.

Thesis Statement: The narrator's detached tone and the pervading grayness of the narrator's descriptions emphasizes the ambiguity of Benito Cereno's portrayal of Africans.

Critique: Again, this argument links a formal aspect of the text (the narrator's tone and pervading grayness) to an idea that the text explores. It's not specific enough nor is it particularly debatable. What is ambiguous about the portrayal of Africans? We know Melville uses ambiguity. What can you say about this ambiguity in relation to the portrayal of Africans, the detached tone, and the pervading grayness? If you stay at this general level, your paper will describe the novel's ambiguous portrayal of Africans. This is not something you need to prove.

Thesis Statement: While the novel Benito Cereno portrays the Africans' docility as covering up their true savagery, it also hints at their ability to develop intricate plans, demand their freedom, and assume responsible leadership positions.

Critique: This argument is more debatable than the rest. It argues that the novel portrays the Africans with agency - a claim with which we could disagree. It, however, fails to say how the novel expresses this through specific aspects of its language and does not tell us why it's important that the text hints at the Africans' intelligence, assertiveness, and responsibility.

Thesis Statement: Although the Africans repeatedly appear savage in the novel Benito Cereno, the narrator also shows the oakum pickers calmly exercising their authority and refers to them as professionals. The contrast between the unruly masses and their disciplined rulers implies that if given the proper opportunities, Africans, and by implication African-Americans held as slaves, could develop into calm, deliberate citizens and responsible leaders.

Critique: This argument is debatable (we could argue that the oakum pickers are cruel, followers of Babo, or mute), supportable, and specific. It also states its significance: this portrayal shows the Africans as capable of responsible citizenship. It also acknowledges a possible counter argument (the Africans do appear savage), which is always a good way to make an argument stronger. The author could still make a clearer connection between a formal aspect of the text and her argument. She states that the contrast between the unruly masses and their disciplined rulers shows this, but it would be stronger if she had something more compelling and specific to say about this contrast or the descriptions of the oakum pickers.

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